I think I've found the answer to the question why? (Well for me anyway :)
I think we are who we are because of the people in our life that have influenced us when we were growing from a primitive state as children into a civilized state as adults.
As in the following story, I believe that Dad is still alive inside me, and he won't die for me until I die my self. I have lived my life as the story say's, with Dad inside me. (Maybe this is why I never had the need of a man made God to help me through life?)
I chose good or evil depending on what I thought would upset or please my father. So I guess he was my God and I was the devil. (But I always got to make the final decision) If I thought it would shame Dad, I wouldn't do it, but if I thought Dad would understand because of the circumstances then I would do what ever was necessary to accomplish my goal.
Uncle Lloyd how ever taught me how to accomplish those goals.
Dad sent you to Uncle Lloyd's for him to turn you into a man, someone that could do what ever it takes to make a living from shoveling shit right on up to giving you the trust and respect to be able drive something as important as a combine.
Uncle Lloyd taught us what we needed to become men; the only difference is he taught us differently because we are different. I don't know how old you were when you use to go up to the farm, but as I remember it you wanted to go because you loved it up there.
I was 14, the year before Dad died. I was a skinny Geake looking kid, that was basically lazy and didn't want to do shit, I think this might have had a good part to do with Dad sending me up there to become a man well that and the fact that he thought you had become a better man because of the time you spent on the farm.
I learned to work from sun up till sun down for nothing but the food I got to eat at meals. I learned how to have fun by razing shit. and I learned how to drink, but what I think I learned most is that if you are right, then you should stand up for your beliefs even if you have to go up against someone that is twice your size. (This would explain why size never mattered to me :) I was taught to bluff, but that if need be, you backed up the bluff so that the next guy new that, (well that) You! Don’t Bluff :)
So I think this is my answer to the question why: My morals are from an uncle that taught me how to be a man. I determine what my morals are from a father that is still alive inside me.
When Moms body stops functioning she will become part of me to, the body will be placed in a grave beside the body of the man she found love with in this life. But Mom as with Dad will always be inside of me just as Dad is always there to help me decide whether to fuck the hooker or try to save her:) and Uncle Lloyd is always there to help me decide whether to shoot the pimp or just brake his legs:)
Like I have said before 85 % of the people out there will back down if they are threatened with bodily harm, (Because they are liars thieves cowards and have no morals) it's the 15 % that you have to worry about, the ones that are just crazy enough to push it right to the end.
I'm proud to be my fathers son, I'm proud to be my uncles idea of the man he thought I could be.
But most of all I'm proud to be one of the 15%!!!!!
I think I have found the answer to my question why?
I think it best to let the rest of mankind figure out their own; Why.
I think I will listen to my brothers advice once again and get on with the; What’s in my life.
Now read on because when she asked I didn't have an answer; I do now :)
Thanks for putting up with me Bro.
Love Always
&
Peace Forever
Your Bro.
When Infinity was here at Christmas, she called up on the bed with me and looked up into my eyes and said with little tears in her eyes> I don’t want you to die Grandpa.
The following is how I'm going to explain it to her when I get out there or try anyway :)
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How do I describe the most important part of life to you little Princess?
With out death little princess there is no life. Everything that lives die’s this is the way of things, the trees, the flowers, the birds, the bee’s, the animals and yes humans to.
When I was very young, my father’s heart stopped and his body stopped functioning. When they told me of my father’s death, I couldn’t believe it! He was there I saw him just hours ago. I could still see my fathers face in my mind he couldn’t be dead he couldn’t!
I got my hat and coat and I went out for a walk, I needed to be by my self so I could work this out my self. Wail I was walking I was talking to my father it was like he was still there walking beside me, I could see him I could feel his love and I could feel the closeness and the love inside me that I felt for him.
As we walked along, I told Dad that I couldn’t handle this I was too young to take care of my mother and my sister. Dad put his arm around me and as he hugged me he said; Son If it doesn't kill you it will make you stronger.
And then he said something to me that helped me through the rest of my life.
Now you my say I’m crazy because my fathers body was no longer able to function in this world and was no longer here with us, but I’m telling you as we walked along I could still see him as if he was right there beside me.
As we walked along he said to me; Son my body has failed me and it is time for me to go, but my love and the love we shared together can live on in you and as long as you keep that love inside your heart I will be with you always to watch over you and to help you as you travel through life
Through the years I have kept my father alive inside me, I can still see his face and I can still hear his laughter, I can still see him dancing with a baby in his arms. I remember his views, his laughter and his love.
Now when ever I make a decision in life Dad is right there with me. I knew how Dad felt and he would not be proud of me if I was doing something wrong to some one else. So I tried to live my life so that he would always be proud of me.
So you see little princess it’s the body that dies not the person inside, the person inside will live on forever as long as there is someone to keep them inside their heart and keep their love alive.
So when my body stops working and it is time for me to move on. Then I will join my father and we will both live inside of you, your mother, your father, your brother and your Grandma to.
As life moves on and as you grow as a young women, I will be there inside your heart, I will be there when you laugh I will be there when you cry I will be there to comfort you when you need someone to talk to. I will be inside you in that special place we keep all the love we feel for each other.
You will have children and they will have children and you will grow old and become a Grandmother your self. And then one day your body will get to old to work anymore and it will stop functioning as is the way of all living things and then you too will move on to be with me and my father and we will live on in the hearts of your children and your grandchildren.
So you see little princess, Grandpa will never really die, my body will stop working one day because that is the way of things.
But Grandpas love, his laughter and all the memories you have of your Grandpa will live on inside you until one day when it is time and your body no longer can keep going and your body stops working and you move on.
The inside you the love and the warmth that has been pasted on to you from all the generations before you will all be joined again as one big family.
Living on forever in the hearts of our children.
I love you little princess
Gramps
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Maybe this is why I don't need closer in death. The ones I love have never really died, their body stops functioning and it's disposed of yes, but they are still alive inside me, until the end.
R.Coldguy
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